Tuesday, May 24, 2016

Countless pain

Assalamualaikum hai :)

today my body, my teeth and my head was shocked with the news that I will undergo a mini surgery , Teeth implantation. I was totally restless and very unready with everything. act more to unready to bear the pain.

something like this


memandangkan minggu ni minggu presentation , minggu busy banyak , kurang rest... paling awal tidur pukul 2, lewat after subuh. so semalam, I sleep like after subuh as I ve to monitor my group utk prepare presentation hari ni. 


So, I went to my appointment like usual . I ingt hari ni buat checkup biasaaaaa....who knowsss kena implant pulak as the other the doctor said implant crowning apa semua buat after habis RCT. Im still undergo  RCT sebab gigi yg mati tu too manyyyyy... 1 gigi pun makan masa sejam lebih. 

dr : So, arina today we will do a mini surgery. Implantation.. pasang tu pasang ni.. bla bla bla *banyak sangat yg di cakapnyaaa.haha. tapi yg aku ingat... akan sakit sikit bila suntik kat gusi ni, weve done it before right?   okay, tapi bila suntik kat lelangit ni sakit banyak.

me : gulp. suntik gusi bagi aku pun sakit banyak......lelangit yang dia kata sakit banyak ni? kau rasa??????? haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.stweessss. but I always remind myself whenever Im feeling down with the pain Ive been through with this " Allah choose you for reasons. Allah know u can bear with everything. Its okay Arina this will make you more stronger. "

frankly, air mata sakit tu mngalir masa suntik kat lelangit....memang sakit BANYAK sangat. suntik gusi aku dh biasa, so macam boleh tahan sikit...lelangit ni perh......itu baru permulaan.......

selepas beberapa seketika after pmbedahan..

MA : kenapa muka tu dah sedih dik? memang sakit, tpi tahan ya..muka tu dh okay dr dulu cuma parut2 nanti kita elokkan lagi.. kalau cucuk gusi pakai jari pun sakit, suntik...belah dengan pisau apatah lagi...

me : hell yeahhhh!!!!! hahahaha it is soo sakit. so dont make me talk.  Im just kidding , I cakap dlm hati je..luaran angguk2....kesan ubat bius dh makin rasa sakit tu sgtla bertambah tambah sampai naik ke kepala.  

dr : ouh so insyirah ( dr mmg kejap panggil arina kejap panggil insyirah) parut ni dh matang ni did u do anything about it?

me : yeah i sapu the dermatic and pakai pelekat tu. I think its already fine than before.

dr : ye tapi I think next appointment nak suntik je bagi hilang terus but u kena tahan sikit okay? you know how much pain it is..yea?

me : okayyyy..... my dr sgt perfectionist ..kalau boleh rasa nak buat pembedahan plastik trus bagi semua flaw kat muka ni hilang.hoho. aku dh redha dah segala parut yg ada...kat muka, kat hati. cettt.

keluar dari bilik doktor , there is my infinity dad... Im forever blessed to Allah because everytime Im in so much pain , my family always be there for me. Family is surely everything.... Infinity lovee..and my backbone... No love can defeat the power of love between blood. and whatever will always choose to trust you.despite how naughty and stubborn you are. Thank you Allah for this life and love of my life :)

Sunday, May 15, 2016

Big Girls Dont Cry

well big girls do cry sometimes when they cant bear the sadness. The pic above is me-be-like for the past 3 hours......I kecewa. I sedih. I geram.

I kecewa sebab I careless

I sedih sebab ia melibatkan maruah diri sebagai seorang perempuan muslimah

I geram sebab hmm, everythingla!

yeah I menangis sampai kering dah mata ni, I remembered the firsttt timeee I rasa perasaan macam ni masa I was in form 1. My friend, a boy......came near me and said "bau kau wangi la" and I was likeeee ^%&^%*&*$* . what theeeee....u sniff on meee?!!!!!!!!

I never accepted the words his said as a praise. I rasa seolah satu penghinaan. Hina yang teramat sangat5 sebab I let a opposite gender sniff on me. Although at that time I tak rasa I pakai any perfume *because dari dulu bukan penggemar perfume....he can smellllllllllllllllllll meee. haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Since that I tak pernahhhh pakai perfumeeeeee sampailah satu hari when Im 18,  I jalan with my mummy lalu Victoria Secret and I jatuh cinta  dengan set perfume BOMBSHELL...all about youuu is wonderful BOMBSHELL! then umur 20 baru dapat pakai.wahaha. tu pun masih berjaga jaga supaya peristiwa form 1 tu tak berulang lagi.. Just pakai bila tahu tak bercampur sangat dengan lelaki. *me myself may not very much pious but I percaya semua manusia akan ada naluri utk mnjadi baik . I punya berjaga-jaga tu sampai mummy tanya I tak pernah pakai ke BOMBSHELL tu ....dulu nak sangat... sebab nampak sangatla tak terusik. huhu.

yesterday...without I even noticed, my awrah was exposed....

Awrah (Arabic: عورة‎) is a term used within Islam which denotes the intimate parts of the body, for both men and women, which must be covered with clothing. Exposing the awrah is unlawful in Islam and is regarded as sin. The exact definition of awrah varies between different schools of Islamic thought. 
Prophet sws said, “No man should look at the ‘awrah of another man, and no woman should look at the ‘awrah of another woman.”
[Reported by Muslim]
 Neither men nor women should uncover their genitals at any time except when in privacy. Men and women should at all times wear garments that are loose and made of material that is not transparent enough to see the skin colour and shape of the other (male or female). Not only that, they must also protect their gaze from the awrah of those unlawful for them.
O children of Adam, We have bestowed upon you clothing to conceal your private parts and as adornment. But the clothing of righteousness - that is best. That is from the signs of Allah that perhaps they will remember

“No man should look at the ‘awrah of another man, and no woman should look at the ‘awrah of another woman.”

yeah it should be like that because a man should be someone who protect and lead us...woman...but somehow..theyre soooo  irresponsible.Theyre not being TRUE MAN. They didnt protect an awrah of a woman......Im not blaming on them 100%..but Im just a lil bit frust as it was exposed without I even notice and the person who notice about it didnt try to "save" or "covers" me.......they even enjoy watching it... this really remind me of a video that I watch a guy saving a woman's pride by covering her when her pants is loosing down when they were playing in a theme park. I believe he is not a Muslim but why he can save the woman's pride??? COMMON SENSE and being a TRUE MAN! However what I get,...the main is...we ourselves MUST COVER our Awrah PROPERLY...realized that if we re not taking care and love ourselves..who else will?? the guy who enjoy watching us? noo..... just us , us and us.....and we must always remember as long we re not married..we as  child, Im as a daughter always and alwaysss bring our parent's pride together with is pretty sad when imagining a parent who took care and love they child eternally carried a lot of they child's sins and automatic sent to hell.

O Allah! Forgive my past and future sins and whatever I have done in secret, and whatever I have done in public. You are The One Who brings forward and Who delays, there is no deity worthy of worship but You.

p/s : 2:22 am which i can talk to someone right now.. :')

Friday, May 13, 2016

nice words please

assalamualaikum hai :)

Selamat pagi semua. Im typing in the dark as I malas nak bukak lampu ganggu tidur lena my beloved roommates. if byk typo please bear with it.huhu. im tryin my best for not to. today I just wanna express my feelings and observations of people nowadays.

if u understand what Im tryin to point to. these days having even a lil flaw people will try to condemn you. criticize this and that. some harsh words easily been throw out publicly. they think they tried to "advice" but they surely are nooottttttttt. they point out flawsss and said something that shouldnt be said. Sometimes I didnt understand that the new world of today that everybody want to look sooo much perfect so that they can earn praises from other people. why do u need praises from people?? there are just people. theyre not an angel. the have they own flaws tooo although they tried to hide it. be confidence to yourself. wakeup everyone! Allah SWT create us differently with varies of abilities that we can proud of. so, shine yourself and dont let people take you down. sometimes when people try to take u down surely theyre jealous of you either ure already above them or theyre being insecure coz ure being the reflection of what they want to be.

usually this kind-thing-condemn people I read it in comments of social medias. despite celebrity , nowadays orang biasa2 pun "terkena juga". I always read and feel like "whoaa this people, did u ever heard if u didnt have anything nice to say ,say nothing at all???" "dont they feel any guilty??" "why are they behave like this?" " didnt they know they might hurt other people feelings?" "where is love and respect?" those are some questions that will pop out in my mind. whenever i feel like I want to comment others social medias I will think twice before I post it. if i think it will benefit to others surely I will proceed if not I press the backspace key except for my boyfriend sebab dia kuat mngusik. so I will give some kababoom words into his heart. hahaa.

this things too happens to meee.. many times but awalnya I macam ignorance but sometimes perh menusuk dalam jiwa. before that, about 4 months ago I terlibat dengan accident. and it cause me serious dental injuries and some broken bone. kalau people dengar cerita tu its just like ouh dia jatuh motor. what people didnt know that half of face is totally hancusss. yela social medias people will talk without any solid evidence. hentam kromo githu. orang mesti macam "dah kau tak bagitahu orang mana orang nak tahu?" HELLO back to the prinsip if u didnt have anything nice to say ,say nothing at all . Im not the person yang mencanang and tell every lil thing yang happens to my life, even I accident pun ramai tak tahu. I love to keep it that way. my way.. belajar security la woi how to protect your personal info =.= but im tellin u this as to make it the perfect story. the perfect example and I hope u guys understand..behind every picture have their own stories .so back to first, I mngalami mostly kecederaan di muka. rahang I patah.both of them and gigi I berterabur and some of them patah and berserpihan. yeah im sad about it, but ni semua terjadi dengan ketentuanNya so I never blame on faith.

so utk meratakan gigi i balik...the firsttt thingsss yang i ingat doktor buat sesampainya I kat hosp mereka ikat gigi i dengan besi, diorg tarik balik gigi-gigi yang dah lari ke belakang tu ke tempat yg asal. its hurt very much...and the saddest part I kehilangan gigi rabbit I. kan ada 2 gigi wabbit, satu extrusion and another patah separuh *kira I ni jatuh tersembam dengan dasyatnya sbb muka i memang teruk, i assume sebab I also tak ingt apa yg dah jadi. then after longg time , several of treatment, surgery I been through I post this pic 

ni before tampal sebab banyak proses perlu buat sebelum sesi menampal gigi dan crowning dan implant :)

I post sebab terlalu byk msg brtnyakan my current condition *masa tu jari I patah so bertambah malas I nak reply nak menjawab persoalan mereka I post pic punn I think muka I dh okay sbb tu I post...buttt thennnnn there are some people that didnt have high sensitivity laugh about my teeth....they didnt know what Ive been through..and they laugh bout kat situ I frust sikit.. yang paling mngecewakan bila ada yg cakap mcm ni"sayangkan dulu muka okay skang dah tak"...ya Allah. Allah itu maha besar. Dia nak tnjuk kat hambanya yang dia boleh tarik nikmat yang diberikan tu bebila sahaja. itu kebesaranNya. KuasaNya. siapa kita sebagai hamba ni nak mmpersoalkan KejadianNya. kalau I malu pasal muka I...since earlier I takkan benarkan sesape pun jumpa I kat hospital at first sebab earlier muka i lagi teruk berjahit sana sini dngan bengkak darah bekunya, dahi flowerhorn,bibir kalah angelina jolie.luls. tambah2 lagi my boyfriend... Im kinda lucky to have him :) okay nnt i create special post psl dia.hahaaha. 

thennnn yesterdayyyy, I post this pic pulak

they call me fat.HOHO.okla maybe I take it seriously but i dont it something nice to say to people? now i faham cerita kawan i semalam perasaan dia bila org panggil dia montel. not me panggil.orang lain k. haha

I told u I patah rahang isnt guess what?? I tak makan selama sebulan sepanjang healing process sebab gigi I kena ikat dengan getah dan arch it is really hard to eat. reasons. sbb dia nak betulkan balik kedudukan gigi and support rahang tu. so sepanjang sebulan tak makan susut memang susut sbb I just boleh makan benda cair and it really upset me the most sbb i org yang suka makan. my familyyy palingg faham sangat apa i rasa, they feel bad about it sebab yela i jenis yang fluffy2 minta food itu ini and i craving a lot! tetiba i diam and tak makan.......sepanjang tu I fikir, orang selalu tolak nikmat makan tu bila ada rezeki kunun2 acah nak diet..nk kurus mcm model, bukan nak kurus utk sihat, pastu makan tak habis, rezeki dibuang mcm tu . bila terjadinya kemalangan ni I macam seolah dah tak kisah tau...sebab I dh rasa macam mana perasaan bila tak dpt makan tu, so I tak kisah I makannn jeee prinsip I as long BMI I still di aras yang normal. *if u read this blog u tahu I punya prinsip-prinsip  makan tu mcm mana, malas nak ulang hahhaa. Yes I hve many rules for myself for reasons :) tambah lagi I buat pembedahan di rahang , they put plate and screws, so muka I kalau perasan betul2 dia akan nampak gemuk dad alwaysssss cakap ni.haha sebab tu i tahu muka i gemuk sebelah, I tak kisahhhh tapi bila people keep talking sedikit demi sedikit self low esteem jugakla. yang atas tu muka i bila senyum full. pipi yg naik dinaikkan lagi tu nampak bolat bertambah tambah potato.

ni kalau senyum biasa ihiks.

nampak? gemok sebelah. ahahaha. I harap u guys faham example yang I nak smpaikan .bukan i nak denied I gemok tapiiiii I tekankan kat sini before kita condemn org please make sure u know their history or the real story at least. so I berharap sangat3 kita menjadi manusia yang bijak dan beretika ketika berinteraksi dengan orang lain di media sosial :) ini kata2 yang my mom always said yang selalu jadi pegangan I sampai sekarang tak kiralah di laman sosial atau di alam realiti :

Mata lebah.. Jadilah kita seperti mata lebah, cuma melihat dan memilih yang baik-baik. Walaupun lalu di tempat pembuangan sampah atau tempat yang kotor dia tetap mencari yang baik dan cantik. Maka, janganlah kita cepat sangat memberi label. Cari dan kaji pasti ada kebaikan dalam setiap kejadian. Oleh kerana itu apa yang dihasilkan lebah adalah ubat segala penyakit kerana bijak memilih. Berfikir secara positif, mengambil tindakan secara positif maka hasilnya juga positif. sekali lebah sengat kita
, boleh membawa maut mata lebah jugak memberi hasil yang baik dan manis.. iaitu..MADU.


Mata seperti ini cuma melihat yang buruk dan busuk sahaja. Yang baik dan wangi adalah musuh utamanya. Bangkai dan tempat tempat kotor adalah tempat tinggal yang sungguh selesa bagi mereka. Cuba fikirkan, lebah kalau hinggap pada bunga menghasilkan madu. Lalat kalau hinggap pada makanan..dia tinggalkan najis ataupun pun lebih sinonim kita sebut “kentut lalat” atau “telur lalat”. Bila termakan makanan yang dihinggapi lalat kita boleh sakit. Ini yang dikatakan bila suka melihat sesuatu yang negatiftindakan kita juga negatif dan hasil yang kita dapat juga negatif.